


Sometimes I Think I'd Like to Watch it Burn

by aurons_fan



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-09 06:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3239537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurons_fan/pseuds/aurons_fan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A variation of the prompt: "I answered your weirdly specific craigslist roommate ad as a joke and now we’re living together" au.</p><p>It's not that Roxas didn’t love his brother. But when he stumbled into the living room at ass o'clock in the morning to see dishes piled high in the sink, the stove looking about five seconds away from catching fire, and Sora tangled up with Riku on the couch, Roxas realized that something needed to be done about his living situation, preferably sooner than later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hisloss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hisloss/gifts).



> Happy Birthday, my wonderful friend! I totally misread the prompt as "answered your roommate ad as a joke," and wrote about "writing a roommate ad as a joke," but I hope you still enjoy!
> 
> Title is from "One Headlight" by The Wallflowers.

It's not that Roxas didn’t love his brother. Really. He loved Sora very much.  But when he stumbled into the living room at ass o'clock in the morning to see dishes piled two feet high in the sink, the stove looking about five seconds away from catching fire from the burnt bacon sizzling in a pan, and Sora tangled up with his boyfriend Riku on the couch, Roxas realized that something needed to be done about his living situation sooner than later.

When the pile of dishes crashed to the ground, the fire alarm went off, and Roxas’s poor tired brain finally registered that Sora and Riku were not just sleeping on the couch but were currently thrusting away at each other, Roxas realized that enough was enough.

One of them was going to move out of this apartment. And considering how terrible Sora always was with rent (for someone as wonderful as him, he was _so_ forgetful), and considering whose name was on the lease ( _cough_ , not Sora’s), Roxas was pretty sure it wasn’t going to be him.

However, as the three of them stood outside in the cold as the fire department inspected their building, Roxas could only glare in annoyance at the fact that Riku and Sora had managed to bundle themselves up and snuggle together for warmth while he shivered by himself in his threadbare sweatshirt.

Roxas's resolve had never been stronger. Riku had been asking and asking (and asking and oh my _god_ , Sora, just say _yes_ ) for Sora to move in with him for probably over a year. Considering how much of Sora’s stuff was actually at Riku’s apartment already and how much time they spent together at one of their apartments (which, Roxas noted with a scowl, was usually theirs), it was destined. It was meant to be.

Roxas was going to shove Sora out if it was the last fucking thing he did.

He sneezed, and Riku must have thought it was Sora because he let out something that sounded like a coo and snuggled Sora tighter. If looks could kill, the glare that Roxas leveled at the two of them could have easily taken out a small county.

And more.

\--

Later that night, Roxas feared that changing his situation was going to be impossible. Even if Roxas wanted Sora to move out as soon as tomorrow (which, to be fair, he kinda did) the creepers of Craigslist were making it as difficult as possible to find another roommate. Between the people who wanted to bring them _and_ their twenty cats, or live there without paying rent, or simply stand in his bedroom and watch him sleep (he quickly clicked off of that one, closed his computer for a long moment, and tried not to shiver), there was simply no one he could imagine living with.

So as the hour grew even later and the roommate requests grew even creepier,  Roxas continued to drink his spiked paopu juice, realizing that he was going about this the wrong way. He was going to write his _own_ roommate request. Yep. That would absolutely solve everything.

After a bit of typing, a pinch of of evil cackles, and a _lot_ more spiked paopu juice (which was growing so much more delicious as the night grew later), Roxas leaned back from his computer and looked at his posting:

  *     _Roommate must be at LEAST 6'1" and must be willing to reach top shelf for potentially short roommate AND will not make fun of shortness._
  *     _Roommate must be able to cook. Living off cereal for one's entire life isn't healthy, Sora, no matter what you think._
  *     _Most not have silver hair. At all. Actually let’s go in the opposite spectrum. Hair must be red. Bright red. Because fuck you, Riku._
  *     _Roommate with long limbs so when they're trying to reach the remote they actually fucking reach it instead of yelling for me to be able to go get it (Sora why are you so lazy I swear to god)._
  *     _Roommate who is naturally warm so if I am cold I can snuggle into bed with you (Sora your limbs are like ICE btw)._
  *     _Roommate must be able to lift at least 120 pounds when necessary, ie, when I pass out from studying too long and I need someone to carry me home from the library (and no Sora, dragging me by my arms doesn't count)._
  *     _Roommate must be willing to judge/hate people. Especially silver haired people. Especially Riku. Fuck you Riku. I had no desire to know what your ass looked like and well, NOW I DO._
  *     _Roommate must be willing to run to the supermarket at all hours if we are out of milk. I don't care if it's 7:30am and you have a final that will decide your career staring at 8am a half hour away, YOU WILL REPLENISH THE FUCKING MILK._
  *     _Roommate will not leave dishes in the sink long enough for them to grow enough bacteria that is old enough that IT should be paying rent._
  *     _Animals are okay. Ducks are not. Roommate must appropriately hate all ducks and will not bring any into the apartment talking about how adorable they are and say things like "We can't just get rid of Donald, Roxas, he's so adorable!!” Donald wouldn’t give a shit about you if you were the last person in the world and he somehow had the last potion, fucking duck._



Roxas nodded to himself, scanned for spelling errors, and burst out laughing. If he actually posted that, it would be completely ridiculous.

Either way, it was late, he was tired and he needed to pretend to be a functional adult in the morning. He’d deal with typing up a proper roommate ad later.

As Roxas was closing his computer, he realized that he might have accidentally hit a button that actually posted the ad. Huh. He shrugged and crawled off to bed. Even if he did, it wasn’t like anyone was going to take it seriously anyway.

\--

The next morning found our young hero all but crawling in the direction of the kitchen, where Riku was sitting with his boxers (augh. _Augh_ ) at the kitchen table and Sora was attempting to make them breakfast. Read: pouring cereal into two bowls.

“Morning!” Sora said. Roxas hissed. Riku, used to these shenanigans, grabbed a cup of coffee off the kitchen counter and reached down to the floor to place it in front of Roxas.

After the coffee had been consumed, Roxas finally made the effort to pull himself into a chair. When Sora dropped bowls in front of Riku and himself, Roxas fixed Sora with a look. Sora plucked two cheerios out of the bowl and pushed them in front of Roxas.

Roxas scowled but snatched the cereal off the table.

“You know,” Riku said, turning to Sora. “I’ve told you a thousand times, but if you moved in with me, I could make you breakfast in bed.”

“Maybe I don’t want breakfast in bed,” Sora said with a grin, patting his quickly turning soggy cereal. “Maybe I like having my own room.”

“Yeah, but we wouldn’t have to worry about traumatizing Roxas anymore.”

They both turned to the barely functional blond. Roxas glanced down to his coffee. When they didn’t move, Roxas grumbled and put down his cup. “I mean, it would be nice not to see Riku’s ass every morning. Or his boxers.”

Riku glanced down, shrugged, and turned to Roxas again. “Also, would you pick up your phone?”

Roxas looked up from whispering encouragement into his coffee. “Come again?”

“Your phone?” Sora said, pushing another cheerio over to Roxas. “It’s been vibrating all morning. I have no idea how you missed it.”

Roxas grumbled. Finishing off his coffee, he shoved the mug in front of Riku, who rolled his eyes as Roxas stumbled back in the direct of his room.

And holy hell was his phone ringing off the hook. He fumbled for it, tugging it off the charger and finally clicked to see hundreds and hundreds of emails staring back at him. He blinked owlishly and scrubbed at his eyes before opening them again to… yep. Hundreds of emails. All from Craigslist.

Oh no.

Roxas dropped his phone and stumbled back towards the kitchen. He needed more coffee.

\--

Most of the emails were completely useless. Actually, that wasn’t accurate. They weren’t useless; they were fucking _creepy_. Some talked about how they wanted make good use of their body heat to keep him warm (only if he was considered a 9 out of 10. If he was less, Roxas could go fuck off). One person talked about wrapping their long limbs around Roxas, and Roxas had to resist chucking his phone against the wall. But when he read one that offered off a foursome between the mysterious craiglist replier, Riku, Sora, and himself, Roxas placed the phone onto his desk and left his room for a few hours.

When he finally came back, he didn’t even bother opening most of the emails. He decided to just deleted them all, rolling his eyes at his naivety that he could actually find a roommate that way.

When one of them caught his eye, with a subject line of _PLEASE DON’T DELETE!!!!_ , Roxas felt a kindred spirit. And deleted it anyway.

And then went into his trash and undeleted it because he was curious. Roxas was only human okay?

_Hi,_

_This may sound a little weird, but I’m a 6'2" red haired, warm bodied (or so my friends tell me), judgmental cook who knows how to do the dishes and is up for 7am milk sprints. I'm also willing to drag you home if you're drink/sleepy/dead (though I'd rather not do the last part), and I... don't hate ducks?? Is that really a requirement? If it is, YES. Ducks are the fucking worst._

_Anyway, I'm looking for a place to move ASAP because my roommate and his girlfriend have decided that having sex on every square inch of our apartment is a thing they're going to do and I'm emotionally scarred enough. But seriously, I will pay more than half of the rent if necessary. I will pay more than half of the rent AND live in the bathtub until you deem me worthy enough to live in a room if you will help me._

_Send help, Axel_

Huh. Roxas sat back on his bed, tapping his chin. This Axel character seemed fairly decent. At least he wasn’t offering foursomes of anything of the sort (Roxas shivered. Went to get more coffee).

After a moment of consideration, Roxas responded to the email, feeling a little hopeful. He gave this Axel guy his address and times he’d be home and then sat back on his bed, feeling good that he might have found a potential roommate.

And then it hit him that he gave some creeper his home address. Oh god.

He went into his email to see if he could unsend his email but, alas, he was screwed. Roxas grumbled aloud and threw his phone onto his bed before heading back into the kitchen. Maybe he’d have to tell Riku and Sora what he did, but that probably wouldn’t happen for at _least_ a few days.

So when the doorbell rang an hour later, Roxas shrunk into the couch.

“Are you expecting anyone?” Sora said, heading towards the door, being the only one even within the realm of being dressed. Riku shook his head and Roxas shrunk further down, practically sitting on the floor.

When a heated monologue about a hatred of ducks came from the front door, Roxas gave up all pretenses of staying on the couch and slid onto the floor.

“Uh… Roxas?” Sora called from the front door.

Roxas could be a responsible adult and go up to the front door, graciously invite his maybe soon-to-be roommate into the apartment and admit what he’d done to his brother and his brother’s boyfriend.

Or he could continue to lie on the floor.

The floor sounded like the best option.

“Roxas?” Sora called again, sounding a little more concerned and Roxas grumbled and rolled to his feet. Even if he didn’t want to face the truth, if this guy turned out to be a murderer and offed Sora, Roxas would never forgive himself.

“Sorry,” he said, approaching the door. “I’m Roxas.” He figured holding out a hand would probably be awkward as hell but that’s the aesthetic Roxas was going for at the moment, so he did just that. “You must be Axel.”

And then looked up and _up_ at the stranger and realized that Axel wasn’t lying about meeting Roxas’s requirements. Axel was very tall, with spiky red hair, and, just from their brief handshake, ran very, _very_ warm.

Axel grinned and stuffed his hands in his pockets. Roxas tried very hard not to stare at the tattoos under his eyes. “I am Axel. Sorry to show up so quickly but my roommates were having sex _again_ and I was afraid I’d never get the sound out of my head.”

Sora glanced between the two of them. “What’s… going on?” Sora asked. But Roxas could see the gears in his head turning and he was getting that look. Not the kicked puppy look that Sora had so well perfected. The ‘you did something behind my back and I’m going to _annihilate you_ ’ look that Roxas thought that he had perfected but was nowhere near Sora’s level.

Axel coughed.

“Right! Axel, welcome, come in. Sora,” Roxas said, turning to his brother and shutting the door before Sora could punt Roxas out of the apartment. “You know how Riku mentioned living together? You… might want to think about it?”

Sora’s eye twitched. “You could’ve mentioned that to me _before_ finding roommate to take up my room?”

“I could have,” Roxas said with a nod. He had learned that not looking at Sora directly during fights like this would allow him his sanity and not cause him to drop onto his knees and beg for forgiveness. “But I _might_ have accidentally posted something last night and apparently Axel _really_ needs somewhere to live, and Riku really wants you two to be together and…” Roxas threw his hands up in the air, tact be damned, “and I’m sick of listening to the rhythmic sounds of you and Riku making the beast with two backs almost every night!”

Riku, who had just walked into the entryway, choked.

Both of them turned to look at him, and he cleared his throat. “Thank you for that, Roxas. Also, who is the guy currently using our kitchen?”

Roxas and Sora all but raced to the kitchen where Axel was currently whipping up what looked like three different omelets. “Any preferences?” He said when he realized he had an audience.

Sora glared over to Roxas, who offered, “Spinach, ham, and cheese?”

Axel only nodded.

\--

“Okay,” Sora said, once they had all eaten. He paused, and glanced over to Axel. “Amazing food by the way.” Axel hummed and Sora shook his head. “But in all seriousness, who are you.”

“I,” Axel said, leaning his elbows on the table and grinning, “am a junior at the same school I’m assuming you all go to, Radiant Garden U?”

Riku and Sora turned to Roxas, who was spending a lot more energy than necessary to pick up the last piece of cheese on his plate. “You didn’t even know if he was a student?” Riku asked, sounding a bit concerned.

“I didn’t think anyone would answer,” Roxas grumbled back.

“Anyway,” Axel cut in. “Junior chem major who just doesn’t want to live with the roommate I’d been living with for years. Buddy finally started dating his girlfriend and bam.” His eyes widened, looking a little more crazed than usual. “Marluxia and Larxene decided that every surface in the apartment was worthy enough to hold their marathon sex sessions.”

Riku coughed awkwardly. “I mean, that’s awful, but I’m sure they’ll get over it eventually…”

“It’s been,” Axel said dryly, “Three months.”

There was a long pause, and Riku and Sora looked embarrassed.

“Well!” Sora finally said, shooting up from the table. “I think I need to have a private talk with Riku. Axel,” he said, nodding to the redhead. “It was been lovely to meet you.”

When Sora’s room door clicked shut, Axel turned to Roxas, who was still poking at his plate. “They’re not about to have sex are they?”

Roxas shivered. “Hopefully, Riku will convince Sora to finally move in with him. And when Riku wants to, he can be very persuasive. Just wait for it.”

Not even five minutes later, Riku and Sora were back outside Sora’s room, with a suitcase packed with what looked like the rest of Sora’s clothes. “I’m going to spend a night over at Riku’s. You know, a tentative trial,” Sora said, nodding to himself. “I think that will work.

Roxas and Axel nodded. “Good plan,” Axel offered.

“The best,” Roxas added.

When they finally left, Roxas jumped up from the table and all but chucked the dishes in the sink. “Axel, you seem like a cool dude,” he said, all but running to Sora’s room. “And if you help me pack up my brothers’ room, you may have his room.”

When Roxas noticed Axel wasn’t behind him, he turned to see that Axel was actually taking the time to _wash the dishes_. Roxas could only pause in his movement to stare in a mixture of horror and joy as Axel carefully placed the dishes on the drying rack. At Roxas’s stare, Axel shrugged a little. “I really, _really_ want to move out of my place,” he said with a shrug.

Roxas raised an eyebrow. “Keep doing what you’re doing and I think you’d be good.”

“But isn’t it kinda mean,” Axel added, leaning against the counter, and wiping his hands with a dish towel, “To kick your brother out like that?”

Roxas shrugged with a grin. “Karma for the trauma they caused.”

After a moment, Axel grinned back. “Nice.”

\--

When Sora came back to the apartment the next evening with Riku in tow, Roxas made sure to carefully hide behind Axel. Axel, who was having a little too much fun flame broiling some steaks, ignored him.

“Well,” Sora said, heading straight for his room. “I have decided I am going to move out. Roxas, you were right. And…”

There was a very long silence when Sora actually walked into his empty room. Roxas attempted to stuff himself into the kitchen pantry as Sora approached.

“Roxas,” Sora said. “Why is all my stuff in boxes by the door?”

Roxas chose to not answer. He wanted to see if he contorted his body _juuust_ so, if he could fit beside the boxes of pasta.

Before Sora could grab and/or maim Roxas, Axel slipped between them and waved the pan in front of Sora’s nose. “Aw, don’t murder him yet,” he said, gesturing towards the table. “Who will eat all my delicious food then?”

Sora stared at Axel before glancing to Roxas. “Fine,” he said eventually, moving away and sitting down.

Riku shrugged and sat besides Sora. “Less work for us,” he said.

Axel deposited the food on the table and then went to help untangle Roxas from the cabinet where he was now trapped.

After all the paperwork was signed and after Sora gave Roxas a fond farewell (to which Roxas responded that Sora was only moving five minutes away on foot and to which Sora responded by smacking him upside the head), half of the apartment was empty, and for the first time in a while, Roxas felt a little uncomfortable.

Axel was packing up his duffle bag from where he’d crashed on the couch the night before as Roxas shuffled up to him. When Axel didn’t react, Roxas coughed to make his presence known.

“Thought I’d move in tomorrow,” Axel said when Roxas started practically hacking up a lung to be acknowledged. “Hopefully Marluxia and Larxene didn’t have sex on my bed,” he paused, shuddered, and continued, “but I thought it would be nice for you to have the place to yourself for the night.”

Roxas stopped coughing and fidgeted awkwardly. “It gets cold at night,” he said lamely.

“Yeah,” Axel added, rolling his eyes. “It is winter. It does get cold.”

“And,” Roxas said with a scowl, “part of the requirement from my posting was the necessary of a warm roommate to snuggle with when it gets cold.”

His packing paused and Axel stood up, glancing down at Roxas. Roxas hated that he had to actually look up to meet his eyes but he held his stare, refusing to blink when Axel raised an eyebrow, the ass.

After a moment, Axel grinned and picked up his bag. “Alrighty,” he said. “Lead the way.”

\--

The next day, after Axel managed to untangle himself from Roxas (who would never admit he was a cuddler but holy hell was he a cuddler), Roxas woke up to loud noises coming from his living room. He yawned, remembered Sora no longer lived with him to save him from murders and climbed out of bed, looking around for something which with to defend himself.

Before he could grab anything, his door was flung open. He was greeted with a blonde woman with some a strange hairstyle who only stared him down. He didn’t know if it was the fact that he was in his pjs or that she just had an unnerving look, but he felt super uncomfortable, even more so when she smiled.

“Who are you,” he said, probably a sounding more angry than he felt. Give him credit, it was like 9am. Far too early for any _normal_ college kid to be awake. “And what are you doing.”

“Axel,” she called, leaning halfway out of the room. “He’s cute.”

Axel and another guy with pink hair peeked their heads into Roxas’s room and Roxas suddenly decided that since the majority of people in his apartment had seen him in his sleepwear, he might as well greet the day.

“Roxas,” Axel said, gesturing to the two. “My old roommates. Well.” He scoffed. “Marluxia here was my old roommate. Larxene just managed to make herself an honorary roommate when she and Marluxia decided to have sex on _everything_ in the apartment.”

Roxas grimaced and Larxene approached him. He grimaced more and tried to move out of her reach but she grabbed him by the shoulder in a grip that was a lot more firm then was probably necessary.

She inspected him over and he felt like a piece of meat, but after a while, she let go and smiled again and Roxas felt himself grow nervous.

“He is cute,” Marluxia said, crossing his arms. “Should I be worried?”

Roxas noted that Marluxia was staring at him, but he was still trying to get over the trauma that was Larxene’s grin so he wasn’t even going to pretend to be polite and meet Marluxia’s gaze.

Axel rolled his eyes. “Nah. Roxas here is just proof that everyone on Craigslist isn’t creeps.”

Larxene gave Roxas that grin again and slipped out of his room and maneuvered her way into Marluxia’s arms. She smirked, and they disappeared into the living room.

Axel hung back for a moment and Roxas stepped beside him, leaning over. “Your friends,” Roxas said as quietly as he could, “are fucking weird.”

With a snort, Axel nodded, before heading back into the living room.

\--

Living with Axel was… strange.

Like, in a totally different way from living with Sora, where he would sing at odd hours, and have over friends from all his classes at odd hours, and bring home animals (Roxas still remembered him trying to reason with Sora that no, ducks probably don’t like dogs, and why were they going to name a dog _Goofy_ anyway?), and have Riku over (which was just the worst).

But living with Axel was actually… nice? Besides the occasional prank that Axel would play on Roxas, his strange fascination with fire (enough so that sometimes Roxas would wake up in the middle of the night to see Axel sitting at the kitchen table having a staring contest with a candle), and his sarcastic and rude nature, Axel was miles better than living with Sora.

To be fair, Roxas had been living with Sora all his life and he knew what to expect. Maybe Axel would end up being like an axe murderer in a long, drawn out con and Sora would have to say “I told you so” at Roxas's funeral.

But like, after a month or so, Roxas still hadn’t woken up to Axel standing over his bed with a knife, chanting Latin. Instead, Axel would routinely fling pillows at his head and telling him to hurry up and eat the delicious food he cooked or they were going to be late for their morning classes. And instead of Axel accidentally burning Roxas’s history notes (long story short, Roxas would never try to study in a kitchen while Sora and Riku were trying to cook together), Axel simply handed over his from the previous semester without a word.

So yeah. Living with Axel was really nice.

\--

“Hey,” Roxas said, one night when they were both studying at the kitchen table. Axel stared at his laptop and half heartedly chewed his headphone cord as he took notes. He only looked up when Roxas started to wave a hand in front of his face. “I just wanted to say I’m glad you’re not a creep.”

Axel raised an eyebrow and pulled out his headphones. “We’ve lived together for weeks, I cook you food, and you cuddle like a koala bear, and that’s all I get?” Rolling his eyes, he shoved his head buds back in his ears. “Gratitude these days is so lacking in youths today.”

Roxas rolled his eyes and frowned slightly when, a few moments later, Axel picked up his laptop and headed to the living room.

With a scowl, Roxas turned back to his notes and attempted to focus. But when he realized that he really didn’t care about what his notes said, he hopped to his feet and went into the living room as well.

Axel sat on one of the couches typing away, and when Roxas finally walked in, he gave Roxas a knowing look. “I was wondering when you’d show up,” he said, gesturing to the seat next to him. “It’s fucking cold in here.”

Roxas scowled at Axel in an attempt to hide his smile and plopped onto a seat next to him on the couch.

Axel turned back to his laptop and started reading something, and Roxas continued trying and failing to read his notes. When Roxas felt Axel’s arm land around his shoulders, he resisted the urge to grin.

\--

Anytime he could, Roxas would meet up with his friends for lunch. And if his side of the conversation happened to be about Axel, well, who could blame him. They were roommates after all.

“Dude,” Hayner said, rolling his eyes for what felt like the tenth time today. “We get it. Axel is the most perfect roommate who ever existed. We _know_.”

Roxas blinked again and turned to Olette, the only one out of the group who wasn’t seeing how many times they could sigh in exasperation. “Do I talk about him that much?”

Olette grimaced. “Well… maybe a little…”

“ _Axel_ cooked me breakfast,” Hayner said, his voice taking on a high-pitched edge, much to Roxas’s annoyance. “And _Axel_ is super warm to snuggle with. He’s like sleeping next to a furnace. Have you slept next to a furnace, Hayner? Well, I bet it’s not as nice as sleeping next to _Axel_.”

“ _Axel_ brought me home from the library and after I studied with his notes, I did awesome on the quiz, oh my god,” Pence added, his tone not quite as harsh as Hayner's.

Regardless, Roxas attempted to become one with the chair.

Rolling her eyes, Olette grabbed Roxas’s shirt and dragged him back up. “It’s not that bad,” she said. But when she gave him a sympathetic look, Roxas groaned and lowered his head to the table. “Okay, yes it is, but like, if you have a crush on him, you should let him know.”

If Roxas’s head wasn’t already on the table, he would have raised it to give her a look. As it were, he just half-heartedly shrugged his shoulders. “But I don’t,” he said.

He could hear Hayner begin to say something but shriek when someone (probably Olette) kicked him in the shin.

“Well,” Olette said with a small shrug. “Either way, you could always do something nice for him? Just as a ‘thanks for not murdering me in my sleep’ kind of way?”

Roxas lifted his head and gave her a look. “Huh,” he said. “That actually sounds like a good idea."

\--

As good of an idea it was, Roxas should have never picked something he was terrible at. To be exact, cooking. He may have made fun of Sora a lot for his awful, _awful_ cooking skills, but Roxas was quick to forget that they were twins and therefore both terrible at cooking.

Even if that didn’t make too much sense, Roxas didn’t really have the brain power to think as to why when the flames in the pan grew larger. Maybe, he thought, as his mind went blank, trying to cook Axel dinner was a terrible idea.

From Axel’s expression as the redhead ran into the apartment, he must have thought so too.

Roxas felt himself being jerked away by a strong grip from Axel, who stepped forward, fire extinguisher in hand. With a snap and a click (or that’s what it seemed to Roxas), Axel got the extinguisher to work and managed to dose the flames. He huffed a breath and stepped closer to inspect the damage, before quickly moving aside and opening a window.

Roxas coughed. Huh. So that's what breathing smoke felt like. Not good.

“What were you thinking?” Axel exclaimed, dropping the fire extinguisher and turning to shake Roxas. “You could have burnt down the building!”

Roxas coughed again. “I didn’t even know we _had_ a fire extinguisher,” he admitted, shrinking under Axel’s gaze.

After a moment, Axel let go of Roxas and placed a hand on his face, rubbing at his forehead. “They say we need to learn about fire safety in chem, but it’s the average idiots who need it,” he grumbled under his breath. “What the hell were you doing?”

Roxas scowled to himself but turned to stare at the ground. “I was cooking,” he muttered.

Axel fixed him with a look. “Really? Cooking. Were you trying to cook the cabinets because sooner than later, you would have accomplished your goal.”

Shoving his hands into his pockets, Roxas shuffled a bit and continued staring down. “I was trying to make you something. As a thank you.”

Axel went silent. When Roxas finally glanced up, he saw how wide Axel’s grin was and tamped down the urge to grin back. Instead, he forced a scowl on his face.

“You were making me dinner?” Axel said, before grinning wider. “No wait, you were making _us_ dinner?”

Roxas’s forced scowl turned real. “Actually no. I was just making me food. And you know what? I’m not even hungry anymore.”

He turned to walk away and leave the smoking kitchen behind when Axel wrapped an arm around his shoulder and dragged him the few feet back.

“Roxas,” Axel said, ignoring Roxas’s squirming attempts to break free. “That is so sweet of you. Well, it would have been sweet, if it had succeed.”

They both turned to look at the pan, now blackened beyond recognition.

Axel shook his head and continued. “You know what. Let’s go get some take out. As a thank you for what you were attempting.” He let go of Roxas, but Roxas didn’t move. “That, and I have absolutely no desire to be in this apartment anymore until the smoke smell dies down.”

“I thought you liked fire,” Roxas mumbled, and Axel rolled his eyes.

“Fire, yes. Inhaling smoke for no reason beside my idiot roommate almost burned down our living space? No.”

Roxas shrugged. “Maybe we could hit up that ice cream shop afterwards,” he said, finally letting himself smile. “I mean, they do have really good sea salt ice cream.”

Axel rolled his eyes. “Roxas, you and your love of sea salt ice cream will get you killed one day.” He paused, and glanced back to the stove. “I mean, if your cooking doesn’t do so first.”

He disappeared into his room, finally putting down his backpack that he’d walked into the apartment with when the shenanigans began. When he walked back out, he offered an arm out to Roxas. “Shall we?”

Roxas gave him a long stare, and after a moment, didn’t take Axel’s arm. Instead, he grabbed Axel’s hand. Axel’s eyes widened slightly and glanced down to Roxas, who only shrugged, smiling.

“We shall,” he said.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did this come to pass? Well, a combination of me wanting to write another thing for the person this fic is dedicated to, and because... I dunno! It just hit me. But I do hope you like it, and I hope it cheers you up even the slightest, my friend.

Sora watched from the couch as Axel and Roxas dragged in his last suitcase and grinned. "Thanks again for letting me crash with you guys," he said. "I still can't believe I managed to flood Riku's apartment."

Axel let the luggage _thunk_  onto the floor and exchanged a look with Roxas. "How did you do that exactly?"

Sora shrugged. "I thought it might be romantic to make dinner for him when he got back from his trip. I kinda messed up though."

Roxas all but kicked Sora's last bag next to the couch. "No cooking here," he said, flopping onto the couch beside Sora. "I happen to like this apartment."

Axel shot him a look. "That goes for both of you," he warned. "Between Sora flooding one apartment and Roxas almost burning this one down, I personally think neither of you should be allowed anywhere near a kitchen within the next century."

Raising an eyebrow, Sora turned to Roxas. "Wait, you did what?"

"Anyway," Roxas said, refusing to turn to Sora and instead leaning off the couch to look at Axel. "I'm hungry. Should we order in or since we're not allowed in the kitchen..." He grinned as Axel flipped him off, heading to the kitchen. He turned back to see Sora giving him a curious look.

Sora continued to stare at him for a little longer and Roxas squirmed under his gaze. "You guys are cute," Sora said eventually. 

Roxas coughed. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm going to help Axel in the kitchen." Before he could flee, Sora grabbed his arm. Roxas still refused to turn around.

"Aw, come on," Sora said, and Roxas could hear him grinning. "You've been dealing with Riku and me for _ever_. Don't act like I can't tell that you're dating someone."

Roxas tugged his arm out of Sora's grip and frowned to himself. "Or something," he said, heading to the kitchen before Sora could reply. 

He wasn't actually going to help Axel with the cooking (because almost burning the apartment once had been enough), but standing around uselessly would be easier than dealing with answering Sora. It wasn’t like he didn't like Axel and it wasn't like things hadn’t been moving at _a glacial pace_ (except that they totally were), but he didn’t want to talk about his relationship (or lack thereof) with his brother.

Whose boyfriend's ass he used to see on a frequent basis.

He mumbled a soft thanks that he no longer had to see _that_ to whatever deity may have been listening when Axel said, "Or something?" Roxas froze. Axel did one of his many magical cooking tricks and added pasta into the boiling water _without_  setting the apartment on fire and shrugged. "I could hear you two. The apartment isn't _that_ big."

Roxas leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. “Or something,” he repeated. Axel didn’t even turn around, but Roxas had been living with him long enough that he could _feel_ the judgmental look, even when it wasn’t actually directed at him. He scowled. “It's just... well, I get we're taking this slow because we're roommates, but even if we were, like, having sex on every piece of furniture in the apartment, I wouldn't tell Sora.”

Axel hummed nonchalantly, but when he turned around, Roxas could see a slight flush on his face. Roxas grinned, for once being the person to make Axel embarrassed instead of the other way around. “Well, if you did, you might want to warn Sora before he sleeps on the couch,” Axel, said, shaking his head. “I mean, it’s not like _I_ suffered a similar fate.”

Roxas winced. “Ooh, yeah, sorry about that.” He chewed on his lip for a little bit before blurting out, albeit a little quieter. “It’s just I’ve been dealing with him dating Riku for _years_ and even if he wouldn't, I don’t want to start comparing any relationship of mine with his. They’re like, the perfect couple or something and they’re going to grow old and be together _forever_ and I don’t want to make my relationship a competition into whose boyfriend is better.” He frowned. “Which is isn’t. A competition that is.”

With a shrug, Axel did _another_ magical cooking thing and put something into the oven without collapsing the known universe, before approaching Roxas. Roxas glanced up at him, torn at being annoyed and loving that he had to look up to see Axel’s face. Axel wrapped his arms around Roxas’s shoulders.

“Next time I can leave my lab during normal human hours,” Axel said, “I am taking you out to eat. And somewhere fancy, not just the dining hall because you were too lazy to boil water.” He paused and held up a finger before Roxas could protest. “Excuse me, that’s far beyond your skill level. I meant, pour cereal.”

Roxas scowled but tugged Axel closer. “I don’t need that,” he said, leaning up. “It would just be nice to do more than just cuddle on the couch while studying.”

“Uh,” Axel raised an eyebrow. “I do not cuddle. I provide necessary warmth, as stated by that list of roommate rules you have.”

With a snort, Roxas leaned against Axel’s chest. “You’re an idiot,” he mumbled.

“Well duh,” Axel said, grinning. “But you’re stuck with me.”

And as Axel pulled him in for a kiss, Roxas could hear Sora faintly in the background.  He reluctantly pulled back for a second so he could actually understand what the hell Sora was saying.

“Rooooooxaaaaaaas, can you grab the remote? It’s so faaaaaar.”

Roxas didn’t even realize that he was growling until Axel shook him gently. “Hey, stop that.” Roxas attempted to but only ended up gritting his teeth. Axel rolled his eyes and took a half step back. “He’s only staying a few nights.”

Before Roxas could answer, Sora called, “ _Is dinner readyyyyyy??”_ and Roxas grumbled again. “I forgot why I wanted him to move out,” Roxas said, eye twitching. “It’s all coming back to me now.”

\--

Even if it was only a few nights, that was how long it took for a permanent twitch to form in Roxas’s eye. Although Axel had always heard stories about Sora being an awful roommate, being able to see it in action was so much worse. Sora had this terrible habit of not wanting to do the dishes _ever_ , using up all the milk and not telling anyone about it, and bringing home strange animals.

Axel hadn’t thought that Roxas’s little roommate list had been exaggerating, but he certainly didn’t think he was under-representing how horrible Sora could be as a roommate.

“Sora,” Axel said, as Roxas covered his face with his hands. “I’m sure that it’s a cute mouse, but we are _not_ keeping it here.”

Sora frowned and looked at the cage he was holding. And by cage, it was really just a box. Axel grimaced and resisted the urge to shove it _and_ Sora out the front door.

“But Mickey is _so_ cute. Besides,” Sora said, giving Roxas a look. Roxas kept his face covered so he wouldn’t have to see. “Riku would totally be cool with Mickey living here.”

“Riku never actually lived here,” Roxas grumbled from his spot by the couch. “And _I_ wasn’t cool with the fucking _duck_ , why would I be cool with a mouse.”

“Their names,” Sora said coolly, “Are Donald and Mickey.”

“I don’t care what their names are,” Roxas shot back. “ _Please_ put that thing back where it came from or so help me.”

Axel blinked and almost turned to ask Roxas if he _meant_ to quote a Disney movie, when Sora huffed angrily and stomped out of the front door. Axel hoped to never see Mickey again, even if he was cute. He also had a weird little spot on his head that looked like a crown, but that was neither here nor there.

“Roxas,” Axel said, as the aforementioned boy flopped onto the couch. “How did you _live_ with Sora for most of your life.”

“You have to protect yourself from his looks,” Roxas said, finally moving his hands from his eyes. “He’s manipulative and he knows it.”

Axel shuddered a little. “Isn’t Riku coming back tomorrow? And his apartment should be fixed by then?”

Roxas rubbed his temples. “Maybe,” he mused, glancing up to Axel, “If it isn’t, we can abandon ship and squat in his ruined apartment until Sora leaves.”

“Or, we can gently persuade him to help out around here?” Axel offered. “I mean, if we can coerce him to do the dishes, then maybe…”

Before Axel could complete his thought, Sora came back into the apartment, grinning. “Hey!” he said, leaning over the couch to look at Roxas, who quickly covered his face. “I happened to pass the ice cream shop, and I just _happened_ to grab some Sea-Salt ice creams for anyone who wants some…”

Sora didn’t even have the chance to finish his sentence before Roxas uncovered his face and snatched one of the ice creams out of his brother’s hands. Sora grinned.

“Perfect!” he said, launching himself onto the couch. When he ripped one open and started eating, he gave Axel a look. “Mind grabbing the remote?”

Axel grumbled and headed off to his room.

Roxas ate his ice cream and felt a little bad.

But like… ice cream.

\--

That night after dinner, Sora leaned back from the table and sighed loudly. “Man, I forgot how much I missed this place,” he said, looking around. “It’s not as close to campus as my new place, and it’s not as big, _and_ it doesn’t have Riku… But it was nice. Quaint.”

Axel could hear Roxas gritting his teeth across the table. “Well,” Axel said, not particularly up for being a witness to the murder Roxas seemed ready to commit. “It was great having you. Really.”

He hoped that no one at the table drowned on all the sarcasm he was spewing.

Sora grinned. “The cooking here is much better than my new place, I will say.” Axel gave a nod of appreciation. “But Roxas, I still don’t know how you complained about me and Riku all the time. I haven’t heard you guys at all since I’ve been here. The walls here must be so much thicker than at Riku’s place.” He frowned. “There’s this one couple next to us who is so _loud_.”

Roxas choked on the water he was drinking. “Excuse me?”

Sora attempted to waggle his eyebrows at him but he failed miserably. Roxas was still choking on his water. “Almost every time Riku and I had sex, you used to complain about hearing it. But I’ve been here for almost a week and I haven’t heard you guys at all.”

When Roxas started to choke on air, Axel decided to step in. “Uh,” he said, as Sora turned to him. “We haven’t…”

And suddenly, Roxas wasn’t choking anymore. He fixed Axel with a very cold intense stare. Axel hadn’t been the subject to a stare like that since he accidentally set his chemistry professor’s lab coat on fire. Or the first time he forgot to replace the milk after he moved in with Roxas.

It was a _terrifying_ look.

“What Axel is trying to say,” Roxas said, his face a mixture of that look and debating whether to choke again. “Is that you and Riku were _clearly_ just louder. And more traumatizing.”

Sora waved a hand and stood from the table. “I just think you were being overdramatic about us,” he said with a grin. He headed off to the living room, leaving a twitching Roxas and a confused Axel in his wake.

Along with his pile of dishes on the table.

Roxas’s eye twitched yet again as he turned to Axel.

After staring at each other for quite some time, Axel spoke. “I don’t want to really _want_ to traumatize your brother,” Axel said. There was something in his tone that really said, _actually, I kinda do._ “But, after a comment like that, and after…”

Both he and Roxas turned to look at Sora’s dirty plates on the table.

“I almost feel like we have to,” Axel finished, glancing over to Roxas.

Roxas look back and grinned.

\--

In the middle of the night (or as some would describe as ‘ass o’clock in the morning’), Sora’s eyes opened. He yawned and sat up from where he slept on the couch. Something had woken him up, but he couldn’t pinpoint exactly what. He heard a faint noise, but that had been too quiet. That couldn’t have been it.

He shrugged and climbed off the couch, heading to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. As he drank it, he heard that noise again. He frowned, placing his glass on the table and gave a quick glance around the apartment. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Roxas’s room door was open and the room was dark, but that wasn’t odd.

Sora frowned to himself. Was it? Or were both rooms normally closed?

He shrugged and left his glass on the counter, before climbing back on the couch. He closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

And then he heard it:

“ _Jesus fuck_ , Axel, don’t _stop_.”

Sora’s eyes snapped open, but before he could even question to himself what Roxas was asking Axel not to stop, Sora heard a very telltale wet _pop_.

Sora eyes widened and he sat up.

“Why exactly haven’t we been doing this _before_?” Roxas asked in what sounded to Sora like a breathy moan.

There was a loud slurping nose and Roxas hissed and Sora shrunk back onto the couch, covering his face. Oh god no.

“Well,” Axel said. “My mother always taught me not to talk with my mouth full, so if you’ll excuse me…” Roxas let out a loud, low groan, and Axel laughed. “Aw, Roxas. We’re just getting _started_.”

And just like that, Sora knew he wasn’t going to fall asleep again.

\--

The next morning, Roxas stumbled out of Axel’s bedroom, yawning and stretching, only to see Sora sitting on the edge of the couch, his bags packed. Then Roxas noticed the bags under Sora’s eyes that made it look like he hadn’t been able to sleep at all.

And _then_ did Roxas notice the gloriousness that was his apartment. It looked like someone had stayed up all night cleaning. And by the apartment, he meant _everything_. The scuffs on the fridges door looked buffed out. The dishes were no longer on the drying rack but back in their places. The floor looked mopped and shelves looked dusted.

Even the carpet looked vacuumed.

Roxas blinked. “We don’t own a vacuum,” he said with a frown, before looking up to Sora. “Do we own a vacuum?”

Sora turned around and sighed. “So I was a terrible roommate,” he began, standing up from the couch. “And the walls,” he gave Roxas a very pointed look, “ _are not as thick as I thought_.”

Roxas was torn between feeling embarrassed and grinning, but was saved from answering when Axel walked out of his room. “Ooh, the apartment is clean for once,” he said, leaning over and kissing Roxas’s cheek. “Why, thank you Sora. We hope we didn’t keep you up or anything.”

Sora rolled his eyes. “You two aren’t as funny as you think. Also.” Sora knelt down to dig through his duffle bag, before pulling out something and handing it to Roxas. “Be safe.”

Roxas glanced down and realized he was holding five or six condoms. Axel plucked them out of Roxas’s hands before he could even respond.

The doorbell rang and Sora picked up his bags. “That’ll be Riku. I’ll see myself out.” Sora leaned forward and hugged Roxas, before leaning close to his ear. “I like this one,” he said softly. "Make sure to keep him around, okay?"

Before Roxas could respond, Sora pulled away, grinned, and headed for the door. Riku briefly waved to the pair of them but sooner than later, they were gone, and only Axel and Roxas remained.

There was a long moment when Roxas stared at the condoms in Axel’s hand before covering his face. “How did he manage to out embarrass us?” he groaned.

“We got a clean apartment out of it,” Axel said, running a finger along a bookshelf and smiling when no dust came up. “The very least he could do after dealing with _that_ all week.” He scoffed. “I honestly thought you were joking when you said that he’d bring home animals.”

“Yeah, well, he’s kinda weird like that…” Roxas said, trailing off as he eyed the condoms in Axel’s hand. Realizing where Roxas was looking, Axel gave him a slow, lazy smirk. “I mean, we don’t want those to go to waste. And it’s not like we have any guest to bother.”

Axel pulled Roxas in closely and kissed him. He pulled back and grinned. “Lead the way.”

**Author's Note:**

> One day, I will write a KH fic that doesn't involve Riku, Sora, Axel, or Roxas dealing with roommates having too much sex. But that day is not today.
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](http://legendaryguardian.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
